Friday, March 13, 2009
College. I always dreamt of graduating and being an architect at an early age. To satisfy my parents longing. To be above my sister and beyond compare. But in reality, my dreams came crashing down. Like a big pile of mud buried it to the grave. Everything turned upside down.
I never wanted to be in this position anyway. It's just that, I never really had a choice. All that was clear to me was that if I had not given up studying, not just me but my family will just drown in debt. I had to find ways to help out. Although, I had options, i really never reconsidered. Maybe I was too blinded to the fact that they really needed me to help out, blinded because all I could really see are a clear picture of guilt written, drawn and carved all over my face. I was not strong enough to choose for my own. Nor was I strong enough to stand up for what I thought was right. I had given up.
A couple of months ago, I found graduation pictures of my batchmates. I cried, one because I'm happy that they made it. That they got out of it with poise and passion. Second, I should've been there. I was suppose to be there with them. With all smiles, togas and all those long walks to grab that piece of paper that I longed for. But I wasn't. And seeing them already going through apprenticeship and reviewing for the boards. I was stuck here. Wondering what's next? And what's left of me?
Paused. But hasn't stopped. Will not playback but will move forward. What should've will never be what will be. Strike once more. ♫
